Before I start, I’d like to state that I’ve never been in an abusive relationship; I’m just trying to raise awareness and advice people not to stay in such a relationship because it can be very harmful. There are so many people who unfortunately are still in a relationship with the wrong person, because of one word; love. Does love really exist? Maybe, maybe not. But when you’re in the wrong relationship with someone who sucks away your happiness, that’s not love.
There’s a difference between someone who only loves you and someone who loves and respects you. Relationships now are built on give and give or give and take, admiration or fantasy. We see celebrity couples on tv or social media and we say we want their type of relationship; give it a year and they’ve gotten a divorce due to “irreconcilable differences”. Truth is, there’s no such thing as “the one” or “the perfect guy/lady”; and that’s where we confuse things. Many people are in toxic relationships because they feel like they’re with “the one”.
So I ask myself, because of love, should we stay in a relationship with an abusive partner? Someone who controls and hits you when you don’t obey their orders? Someone who devalues you and makes you feel like zero? Someone who doesn’t even respect you? Someone who causes physical and mental harm to you? There’s a huge difference between a loving relationship between two people and a loving relationship with only one person. But, men aren’t the only abusive one’s, women are as well. Men are also victims of physical and verbal abuse by their partners but we feel like women are the only ones who go through such.
Is it worth it to cover your scars with makeup or refuse to go out because you were beaten by your partner? Is it worth it to stay in such a toxic relationship because you can’t be without them? Is it worth it to feel like it was your fault not theirs? To have a special room in a hospital? What about when you’re finally able to leave the relationship and you can’t be with anyone because of the mental scars that haven’t healed and the thought that everyone is just like that?
In order to be in such a relationship, it’s only evident that you don’t love yourself because if you did, you wouldn’t be with an abusive person. Although most times it’s due to fear as you never know to what extent the person might go if you try to leave as people can be extremely aggressive; especially when they see you as their property. Besides physical abuse, there’s also verbal and mental abuse; whichever one your partner puts you through, that relationship isn’t worth it because while they may or may not be aware of the harm they’re inflicting, you’re the only one in pain and while physical pain can heal, mental pain can’t because it can ruin every chance of a possible relationship in the future.
Absolutely no one deserves to be in such a relationship because with time, it’ll get much worse. A relationship is meant to make both people happy rather than having someone suck the life out of you. Yes, couples fight but when it goes beyond that and it becomes personal, they hit you, or emotionally and mentally attack you, there’s no turning back from that if you don’t leave because someone who loves and respects you won’t hit you for any reason. Your parents didn’t do that so why should someone do that anyway? We’re all worth more than we can imagine and having someone make you feel like you have no value and don’t deserve love isn’t the kind of person you want to be with.
If you think in the long run they’ll stop, they won’t! They’ll only stop when you leave because when you don’t, what explanation will you give about the scars, bruises, swollen and teary eyes? “You fell, you ran into your door by accident, it’s nothing” and when it becomes an order of the day? I mean you don’t fall every single time. It’ll even be much worse when your partner begins to threaten you; that’s why most times its best to report abuse. But if you can’t do it due to fear, get your things and move far away; where you’ll be safe because they can apologise a million times; but that doesn’t mean they’ll stop, and you’ll never be safe.
Everyday someone suffers from one form of abuse or the other by their partner. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female; no one should take that. Even if they call you stupid, that’s verbal abuse. But when you make excuses for their actions – mind you that they are fully aware of their actions and they choose to go on regardless of how you feel – it’s a lost cause. And in the end, they’ll either end up alone, in prison, or abusing someone else because they’ll never change no matter how much you love them. Instead, love yourself enough to leave such a relationship for your mental and physical wellbeing even if you decide not to report it. You can also contact Women’s Aid who help out victims of abuse and make sure they’re safe from their abusers. Its best to seek help on time