PS: View this post in your browser to read the complete post and comment as well. Warning: Might contain strange and vivid imagery due to the choice of words used. Hey everyone. So far I’ve written two posts on this subject; still on the movie, “13 reasons why“, and I’m about to wrap it up. If you missed the last post, you can read it here. I’d encourage you to read the first and second part before moving on to this one (I’ve talked about bullying, and suicide). This is just a conclusion.
Before writing the third part of this post, I watched a section of the movie. Particularly, where Hannah killed herself by slitting her wrist. And, it showed me how easy it is to end everything; how easy it is to end your pain and suffering, just how easy it is to numb the pain and let go. Then you begin to wonder if the pain is worth is; if life is worth it, like is there any purpose? Any future? Any hope? The answer is “Yes“. I’ve seen people who haven’t self harmed in years which is like a huge accomplishment; and if they can do it, anyone can. Although, when I hear about people who committed suicide, a tiny part of me feels so jealous because I feel like in a way, it’s something I want. But the best thing to do is to take your mind off it.
Did the movie portray suicide, bullying, and depression as seen in our everyday life? I have no idea. Like I said in the second part of this post, I don’t want to see the movie. I gave one reason why I made that decision; but my other reason is because I feel like it will encourage; rather than discourage me. You know those little voices in your head? They’re the demon; it’s the sickness telling you things; talking to you and asking you to listen, telling you to pull the plug and let go. Sometimes, those voices win; but the only way to shut them up is to basically avoid anything that brings those thoughts to your head because when you feel depressed, they come alive. And they become stronger.
I can’t give a concrete solution because I’m still trying to find one. But, during that moment, when everything fades to black and you feel it’s the right thing to do, you might think that no one will care. Instead, try to focus your attention on that one person you know will definitely care because there’s always someone. Imagine the look on that person’s face when they hear the news; when they feel like they couldn’t saved you so it’s their fault. Just picture it; and then, think for a moment. At that moment, the future might seem like a dark cloud; but you don’t know what the future holds. And you could miss out on such an opportunity while so many people beg to live. At that moment, focus your attention on one thing, one person, or a goal. And, choose to live for whatever or whoever that may be.
We can’t change the past, or predict the future. There’ll definitely be a moment of relapse, it’ll always hurt, and you’ll still meet horrible people at some point. You’ll still hear those voices inside your head, and you probably won’t want to talk about it with anyone. But if you’ve made it this far, you can make it. I always feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel; and although, sometimes, I feel like I’m no where near the light, I want to move towards it. I want to see what life has in store for me, and I want to prove myself wrong; because suicide isn’t the answer. And although, things seem bad at some point, I have a goal. I want to achieve it; I want to reach that light at the end of the tunnel. It might take sometime for me to actually say a lot of positive things to myself, but I’m still trying.
I don’t want to be Hannah; I don’t want to get to that point. I don’t want to leave a suicide note; and I don’t want to read one either. We’ll all die someday; that’s a fact, but we shouldn’t end our lives before our time. Maybe we can’t all help someone; maybe we can’t really open up to people. But, we can tell our stories; one day at a time. We can get help; we can feel safe in our own body and mind. We can live, love, and be happy. Life isn’t short; life is long, and it’s worth living.
That’s all for this post. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to touch this subject; but I hope someday I can look back at this post and realise that is was all worth it. Thanks for reading. Also, I know the first part of this post started off pointless; but that’s actually what I wanted. I wanted it to sound pointless because people think this while subject of suicide, bullying and mental illness is pointless and a waste of time. And, by making the first part that way, I made the second and third part convey the main point of this discussion.
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