PS: View this post in your browser to read the complete post and comment as well. Hey everyone. I was supposed to have published this post a month ago but I refused to do it. When I saw 2 of my really amazing friends post about their story, it inspired me to post mine. And well, here I am. Today’s post title might seem a little weird; in a way. But, I actually want to talk about the new movie everyone’s buzzing about; “13 reasons why”, but not as a movie review or anything like that. I’ll be addressing the issue of bullying, mental illness (depression), suicide, and finally death; all from my experience and my point of view. I haven’t seen the movie yet but my sisters, friends, and basically everyone has.
So basically I don’t know what it’s really about besides the fact that some girl, “Hannah” was bullied, and she decided to commit suicide. This might be a long post so sit back and relax. Call me crazy but she’s brave to have actually done such a thing; it takes courage to actually do it. But don’t get me wrong; doing it makes you brave but then again, a coward. Facing such a situation despite how hard it is, is what actually makes you brave and courageous because it’s like making it out of a storm; stronger and better. I not too recently opened up about my struggles with depression which you can find here. I never talked about the whole story because it’s really long; I don’t plan on saying all of it either; just a bit.
But before I start, last month (what inspired this post), I criticized the movie because I kept hearing “Hannah this, Hannah that” and I was told she committed suicide but I had no idea why. So my sister was like: if I die, no one will care and people like me disgust her. She also said I’m a bully, and I don’t deserve attention. And that’s what inspired this post because I had flashbacks. Honestly that’s like the worse thing ever! And she took it as a joke which even made it worse. Someone has told me to kill myself before; but having this come from a sister is another thing; and my twin supported her by saying the worse things too. But I won’t dwell on that now.
I did a little research on the movie; but I found nothing besides “bullying, mental illness; particularly depression, and suicide”. I’m no movie expert but, besides speaking from a writer’s point of view (I feel like writers understand things more), I’ll also speak like someone who understands “Hannah” (her character) and what she went through. If you’ve read my post on my struggles with depression, you’d have a little insight of how it feels like to go through such a thing. Or you can check Wikipedia for “depression“; just that.
I’ve never really talked much about my struggles with anyone; but I see people opening up, creating awareness and helping others; so I feel like maybe my story can help others, just like the movie is raising suicide awareness; amongst other things. Here goes: as a child; even while growing up, I was bullied; both emotionally, verbally, and physically; in school. Whenever I reported it to my class teacher, they did nothing about it. I never talked about it with my parents; and I barely had any friends either.
I was the weird one, the one who never fit it, the one with no friends, the lonely one. I was beaten; but not seriously. I would get insulted by several people. I was told so many things but I remember being called “friendless and ugly”, I was told I’d die alone and no one loved me. I couldn’t participate in several discussions because I wasn’t good enough to contribute. I felt like I had no value and I was worthless; and I didn’t deserve to live because no one loved me; not even my family. I’ve written other less detailed posts which you can find here, here, and here.
Part of the bullying led to my depression; but there are other sides to the story. Although I’d rather stop here and continue this post later on. Technically, this post has addressed a little part of bullying; I’ll talk more about it on the next post. Then I’ll move on to suicide and death. I’ll post the next part tomorrow; so watch out. You won’t want to miss it.