SOMETHING I SHOULD’VE TALKED ABOUT.

A while back, I wrote about my struggle to fit in around people/groups which you can find here on THE STRUGGLE TO FIT IN: HOW I FAILED. I never really finished that discussion because I still have a lot of unfinished things to address; but all in due time. 
I’ve come to that point in my life where I no longer care about being left out of things or feeling invisible around people. I’ve always had a hard time making friends like most people do or connecting with people, keeping conversations or even starting one. As a child (that sounds funny๐Ÿ˜…) I was a bit anti social; or shy. I wasn’t good at making friends, and I barely had any. It was difficult seeing my sister’s friends come over to visit while I had none. Strangely, my diary became my best friend. 

I have to admit that at some point, I tried my very best to fit. I wanted everyone to like me, I wanted to make lots of friends, and I cared about what people said. I was bullied most of the time, as well as insulted (what we call verbal abuse) by most of my class mates. Sometimes I’d try to stand my ground, but I couldn’t, so I put up with it every time. My mission was to make friends and stop being the weird, quiet one. It got to the point where I would sometimes apologize to someone even when they were at fault for insulting me or something else; I didn’t want to lose any of my friends who I thought were my “friends.” Little by little, I started setting boundaries; although I would abandon it and go back to being myself. I tried to get into group stuff only to be made fun of but I took it as a joke sometimes. 

Long story short, because I hate long stories. Now, I don’t even care about losing friends. Friendship for me is like a word, and just like any word, it can be erased. I still find it difficult to talk to strangers; during my first year at uni, I didn’t have any friend. I don’t have a problem talking to someone if they try first; but sometimes I tune out and people think I’m a snub; or just too quiet and weird. I realised that caring about what people said and trying to fit in was pointless. Now, I stand by my own beliefs and I don’t let people influence me. I don’t care about being left out of things anymore as it happens a lot, I don’t care about being seen as a strange person, being criticized, or not having any friend at all. I don’t even let someone talk to me the way they want just because they feel like they “know me“. I just do what I feel it best for me and what I like. I just feel like when you go through a lot of things and you have to pretend like everything’s great, it affects you at some point and nothing remains the same. But at the end of it all, putting yourself first, setting boundaries, and standing firm is what’s important. People will always be who/what they are, but it’s never right to give someone the power to hurt you. Am I anti social? Weird? Strange? Maybe. But do I care? No! In the end, I’ll probably be by myself anyway.

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45 Comments

  1. Love your solitude Enigma and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. Be happy about your growth, in which of course you can’t take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don’t torment them with your doubts and don’t frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn’t be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn’t necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust…. and don’t expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. It’s the other people that are weird, not you. I’ve never had a lot of friends either and I still don’t. I prefer meeting people and I never keep in touch with anybody.Life to short to cling to the same people all your life.You can still be social without being a blabbermouth. All that matters that you like the person you are. A lot of people pretend to be something they’re not.Dare to be different, I do ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Growing up in a tough neighborhood made me learn one of the most important lessons in my life – to stop caring for what people think that much. No matter what you do, you’re bound to offend or irritate some people anyway. We can’t please everybody after all. It’s impossible to meet all of their “standards”.

    So, I made a stand and started to not give a d@mn on what people think. Who are they anyway? My life is not their business.

    I’m not too much concerned about fitting in. I am my own person with my own beliefs and principles. They are the ones who should put up with me and I’ll do the same to them. The only thing that I need from them is respect.

    I don’t think that I would be where I am now if I just listened to them. To succeed in this world, you have to be tough, and make your own stand and dicisions. Don’t listen to the BS from others and face any challdnge with confidence. Don’t let their words make you feel bad about yourself because it won’t do you any good.

    This attitude alienated me from a lot of people but fortunately for me, those who remained on my side are the ones who I can truly call my friends.

  4. I’d say it once more… just ring me up and my craziness. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Life sucks, Eni. Sorry you had to go through all that. Keep your head held high and feey firm. Good things’ll come.

  5. I can really relate to this. I’ve been doing what I can to make friends in the new place I live, but I’m at the point where I don’t care anymore. I’d rather focus on bettering myself and being a published writer than worrying about friends.

  6. I completely understand everything you wrote. I tend to forget that I shouldn’t change myself in order to keep friends. Great post

  7. Interesting message. I believe we all have experienced times of feeling lonely, not social, or not being accepted. But, the most important thing in the world is to remember that we are loved, accepted and cherished by God. ๐Ÿ™‚ Keep writing your posts. You never know how you are helping another person. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Atta girl!! You’ve chosen the right path.. Be yourself! And you know what you feel alive like literally alive when you stop caring about what others think! I too used to think a lot of what others think about but I understood it the hard way but I’m glad I did.. that nobody cares about you except your family and people stay with you just for their own selfish reasons including your friends!!

  9. I loved this most and am really enjoying your new sort of lifestyle posts. So glad you’re not letting people’s thoughts bother you. You’re better off without negativity anyway!! Guess what you can be your own best friend and do a fab job at it!

  10. Awesome post! Am struggling with this a bit myself right now. At the end of the day you’re right. No sense in concerning ourselves with what others think/feel and letting them control how we feel by trying to conform to what they want to see. (everything great and perfect). Just be!

  11. This was a really good insight.
    I think a sad fact is, at times, in order to experience Love in its purest form, we have to put ourselves in a position where we could be hurt. Something I’ve seen in my current relationship. I wrote a blog about the difference between clasping and embracing relationships. Feel free to have a read in your free time.
    To experience the purest form of Love is to allow someone the complete choice of loving you. How they use or abuse that choice is up to them.

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