THE STRUGGLE TO FIT IN: HOW I FAILED

I think we live in a society where everyone’s trying to fit in and feel accepted into something. I’ve always been the odd one out in everything. I could be among friends and not say a word because I have no idea what they’re talking about or because I can’t contribute. Last night, some of my really crazy friends were having random discussions about things and I was unable to pitch in because I couldn’t contribute as I had no idea about most of the things they said. They had so much fun talking and laughing; while I was just staring for hours (it’s a group chat btw). It was weird because I was online for hours and it felt like I wasn’t. I’ve had to stop talking or walking with some people because of how they make me feel left out of a discussion. 

I enjoy solitude but sometimes I need to be around people and it sucks not being able to fit into their discussion and just feeling ignored. It has happened in the past, where I’ll sit at a corner and watch everyone have fun doing their thing. I’m not dying to fit in or anything like that; I just want to feel like someone actually wants to talk to me in a group discussion; instead of feeling like a ghost when I’m actually there. I definitely have my flaws, and my walls up so high for reasons only I understand but nothing helps. I just want to mix up with society and feel more like a human being and not an object; and have good memories to share with friends. I’ll get over everything but that doesn’t stop it from happening and it really sucks.

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56 Comments

  1. I know how you feel. I don’t fit in anywhere I go either. I think God may have pulled from too many spools of thread when He made me because my personality is so contradictory and so weird compared to everyone else. πŸ˜‚ But that’s where you need to stop. Don’t compare yourself to others. No, you’re not like them, you need to find the people who are like you. I find solitude is better than trying to fit where I don’t belong. (Square piece in a circle hole you know what I’m saying?) I used to try to be like other people when I was young and foolish. They saw through it. At the very least, you can tell your current friends that they make you feel left out.

  2. I know how you feel, really! I’ve had those moments numerous times, I can’t t seem to interact easily in a conversation but I’ve learnt (actually I’m still learning) to get over that-how​ boring would it be if everyone were natural conversationalists? We need the introverts, the ones who excel most when in solitude and embrace it. Then, with time, patience, and a ton of self-forgiveness we’ll slowly learn to stop feeling like a fish out of water. Audrey Hepburn, Clint Eastwood,Julia Roberts aren’t able to last long in big crowds but the last thing we think about is their inability to do so-their success screams louder.

  3. group discussions shouldn’t make you feel left out coz here is the truth we all struggle with it even the guys who sometimes make it look natural.

  4. This is the reason why I don’t like being in a group.People mostly talk nonsense anyway. One of one conversations are much better.Maybe you should try to talk about a subject you like and if that doesn’t interest them then it’s their problem. The best way to fit in, is not trying at all.You can’t change the person you are. Dare to be different.

  5. Even as an extrovert I struggle at times, we all do. Sometimes you can be the loudest person in the group and still feel isolated. Don’t worry so much about what people are thinking about you and just be you, always.

  6. As you mature and become comfortable with who you are you won’t care if you fit in. I am nearing 60 as of this year. Fitting in has never worked for me and I don’t want to. You will find or start to gravitate towards those who will appreciate what you have to say. Listen a lot and make assessments about who fits in with you not the other way around. Appreciate what you have to offer and enjoy each moment of your life. The other stuff will catch up.

  7. I have experienced that when I’m with millennials. They are laughing and talking and sharing jokes and stories that I have no idea about. Strange feeling of being present, but not being present.

  8. Fitting in is overrated. Be your own unique self and you will find your niche. I’ve always been told by older folks not to worry about certain things and now that I am an older folk I can look back and realize they were right. And when I was younger and struggling and worrying about what other people thought about me I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Now I don’t care what other people think about me and that is liberating.

  9. I go through the same issue. I don’t feel like an object though because I do it on purpose. I’ve always been the quiet person until I’ve warmed up to people. I’m acutally quite social when I want to be which hasn’t been for 2 years or so. I’d say be you and find people who don’t mind you being different from them.

  10. On a similar vein, it also sucks when people talk to me as if they’re my best friends when they’re around me and I start to feel like we’re really close friends. But they don’t really feel the same way. And I can tell because the sharing of important/personal information is always one side. I’m always messaging them first and telling them about exciting things in my life, while I find out through mutual friends about important events in theirs. Like, did I not cross their mind as someone important enough to talk to about something personal/important?

  11. I get what you mean! I had the same thing, but realised that I don’t have to be part of a group. I have a selection of friends with who I feel very comfortable. They know I’m silent and don’t mind. I feel like I can just sit there with them, without feeling awkward. I hope you find persons like that too, it’s ok ‘not to fit in’

  12. Hi dearie. I understand how you feel cause I’ve been there. All I can say is, sometimes you need to check your circle of friends. If they don’t appreciate you, it’s time to move on. Then again, people are people; unique and different… You need to pull down some of those walls… That guy Gus, in the movie, The Fault in our Stars, said, “We don’t get to choose if we get hurt in this world but we do have a say in who hurts us. I hope we like our choices.” Live, Okoto! Make your own crazy contributions. A lot of times, we just need to stand out. The right people will come along. Just keep an open mind. By the way, you’re super talented and you’ve got a generous spirit. Maybe you don’t give yourself enough credit… Maybe you don’t give them enough credit…. You’re awesome! Thanks for sharing. I hope I made a little sense.

  13. I feel you okoto! This is one of the reasons why I prefer being alone than to be with a lot of people then suddenly they’re making you feel that you don’t belong with them. It made me realize that *WHO CARES!* As long as I fit with myself, that’s already okey with me.

  14. Whether you try too hard to fit in or you try too hard to stand out, it is of equal consequence – you exhaust your significance. Be you :).. I love the persona you have in the blogging world. You have carved a niche for yourself here. People love you. 😊

  15. Life is full of those types of people, all you need is to fit into your own self and the rest falls in place. Take heart my dear, it comes to pass. At a point every one will be wanting your company and then you’ll be the one choosing. Trust me πŸ˜‰πŸ˜ Take care πŸ‘

  16. I am sorry that had to happen to you, Eni. That situation does suck. I have no words, just ring me up and my craziness if you ever need a boost. πŸ™‚

  17. I can relate to every word of this post. Sometimes I wonder if wordpress is the only place where I fit in.
    I know exactly how not being involved feels. We’re all in this together. 🌹🌹

  18. I know what you mean, I’m ok with one on one conversations but once it becomes a larger group, I sometimes struggle. Even if I have something to contribute, it can be hard to find the right time to say it. And we’re all putting up a front to a certain degree which makes it even harder.

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