I think we live in a society where everyone’s trying to fit in and feel accepted into something. I’ve always been the odd one out in everything. I could be among friends and not say a word because I have no idea what they’re talking about or because I can’t contribute. Last night, some of my really crazy friends were having random discussions about things and I was unable to pitch in because I couldn’t contribute as I had no idea about most of the things they said. They had so much fun talking and laughing; while I was just staring for hours (it’s a group chat btw). It was weird because I was online for hours and it felt like I wasn’t. I’ve had to stop talking or walking with some people because of how they make me feel left out of a discussion.
I enjoy solitude but sometimes I need to be around people and it sucks not being able to fit into their discussion and just feeling ignored. It has happened in the past, where I’ll sit at a corner and watch everyone have fun doing their thing. I’m not dying to fit in or anything like that; I just want to feel like someone actually wants to talk to me in a group discussion; instead of feeling like a ghost when I’m actually there. I definitely have my flaws, and my walls up so high for reasons only I understand but nothing helps. I just want to mix up with society and feel more like a human being and not an object; and have good memories to share with friends. I’ll get over everything but that doesn’t stop it from happening and it really sucks.
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