I’ve always wanted to write about the decision that changed my life. I guess that thing is regret. I ask myself: What do I think of when you hear this word? What do I see? What do I remember? What lesson did I learn from it? What do I actually regret? What do I hope for? All of which I’ll try to answer. 

I’ve been wanting to write on this topic since September; but I ignored it. After what I read and saw today, I decided that it’s the best time to write on this topic. I’m a bit angry right now but I’ll try not to say anything harsh or horrible; despite how much I’d love to! There are definitely so many things I regret; but now, I realise that my biggest regret was actually giving people who didn’t deserve anything good a place in my life. I was over the whole situation for a really long time; but it has been reignited. I’ll just give a short story of what I regret; with some parts omitted.

It was towards the end of 2014 after I graduated from Secondary/senior high school. I was friends with everyone; basically everyone in class as well as other students; as most of us had known each other for a long time! I thought we would be friends forever or something; huge mistake! I never realised how hypocritical and fake they were; and still are. After graduating, I heard all the bad things they said about my twin and I; how stupid of them!๐Ÿ˜’ I never realised they were a waste of my time. But before I get to that part of the story, I’ll talk about another mistake I made. I was giving; like if someone needed money, I would give them; as I always had and still have money; and sometimes, I wouldn’t take it back. I would help whoever I could in any way I could. In short, I was naive! Sometimes, I’d ask for something from someone, a friend, as a joke to see who would buy it for me. One day, I asked a friend to get something for me; and they laughed at me. For some reason, I decided to ask other people; including the people I helped; and most them gave lame excuses. It showed me that no one was willing to help me out; even though I didn’t really need it. It showed me that no one would stand by you when you need help.

Back to the previous discussion. I know this post is long; but it’s my only way to vent and get over the whole situation. When I realised how hypocritical they were, and with everything I was going through during that period, I changed my phone number and cut a lot of people off. I distance myself from so many people; luckily for me, I decided to school far from home. 

It pisses me off to know that despite everything I put up with while in school, it still didn’t stop. They always made fun of me for being too skinny; despite the fact that I was among the best top 3 students in my class for three consecutive years; and I felt insecure. I tried to eat as much as I could just to put on weight. I was unable to post a picture of my twin and I because she was fatter than I was; so they would always compare the both of us and laugh at me. They would say horrible things to me; and although I’d get really angry, I always forgave them. But it got to a point where I could no longer take it. And despite not being in touch with them, I always heard the things they said behind my back. 

What inspired me to write this post was when I checked a friends post on instagram; he posted my picture from when we were in school, and I decided to check it out. I saw really insultive comments my insignificant ex class mates said about me. It didn’t hurt at first; but then I remembered everything they’ve said about me; then I got pissed off! It goes to show how pathetic they are; they have nothing to do besides dragging my name under the bus for whatever stupid reason they might have. How I’d love to confront them!

The whole situation made me realise how naive I was back then. But now, I know better. I know my place in someone’s life, and I know when someone is using me for their benefit because people always need something; especially money! It made me realise that I have more strength than I originally thought and that I can survive with or without anyone in my life. The only disadvantage is that I see everyone the same way; and sometimes I feel numb to emotions. There are so many things I’d like to say; but I’d rather stop here for now. If they ever decide to come back into my life, I would kick them out; after saying everything I’ve been holding back since 2014. 

But, everything they did made me stronger; and I’m able to channel myself through most of my poems and just let things go now. Rather than wish them bad like they do to me, I hope to go higher than I already am. I hope that someday when I make it, I can publicly thank them for being horrible to me because the pain made me stronger, wiser, and better. The pain and anger made me who I am. And thanks to that betrayal, I was able to uplift myself and hold myself high; as well as value myself. They can go on with whatever because they don’t mean anything to me; and they don’t add anything to my life as well. I feel okay now; being able to vent and let go. My advice to everyone is to let go of any negative person in  your life because it’s not worth the trouble or time.

Thanks for reading. 

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  1. Sounds to me like you were a good person back then- you were friendly and kind and maybe people were jealous of you because were confident in yourself.

    You’ll let go of that when you’re ready to- but the best way to deal with it is to treat people better then those people treated you.

      1. Humans do not appreciate, they do not value and they love censure other good once among them. You little story is similar to mine. My mum gave birth to three yeah! My mum cannot kill a mockingbird and that’s the way we are been trained. But at the end there must be an enemy who wants us to be his/her victim. But she told us that instead she will die for doing ring let her die doing the right thing because doing the right thing will one day save a soul.
        So what i’m trying to say in effect is for you to let go and keep doing good. You accepted me politely as a friend but with all I just read on your blog, everything about you has been narrated and summarized .

  2. Do not regret moments which helped you see the reality or truth of what is happening. It is a gift. You have become stronger most importantly for you – not them. Faced with similar adversities when growing up, the realization now is, no one can dull my shine. Those who shine bright will always attract others who may seek it – good or bad – along with others who share in its light. Be brace, OE…for what matters is the now and the past is a memory.

  3. I went through something similar when I was in school. Luckily internet wasn’t very common at the time so no old photos online etc. What I learned from that experience was some people are scum and are not worth my time. If they thought they would spoil my life, they were wrong. It just got me stronger. These pathetic people’s self-esteem are so low so they treat others like crap.

  4. That was great! Im so glad you got that all out of you! Its like you just spit the poison out honey!! good for you!! Wana know what?! I have a twin as well! He is my best friend! XO!! I love how you keep it real and are true to yourself its beautiful!

          1. Well I guess it would be totally different because I share with a boy so no worries of getting the same presents at least or being jealous over what he gets chances are I really dont want it haha!

  5. Not everyone you lose is a loss. Some are a gain, a gain of time you’d waste otherwise. I can relate with you to a point… I also, through my growing up, was letting people insult me or humiliate me subtly and also use me to a certain extent. But in my case it was more them insulting me and me staying numb and confused. And then I’d just pretend it isn’t happening. While in your case this is harassing, it’s just terrible. I can’t believe how some people can be like that. Although, I remember as younger, I did participate in making fun of some people… I am really sorry for that now, but I did. But I also ate my portion of maltreatment. I just think that, when you grow up, you shouldn’t stay like that, I mean, you should grow up. Some people obviously never do.

  6. Such a great post! Well done for sharing. Although they have been so horrible to you you have managed to pull some positivity out of it and become a stronger person because of it!๐Ÿ’›

  7. Did the exact same thing when I hit 17, so I hear you! A bit clichรฉ, but it really did feel like a weight off of my shoulders, and this many years on I still haven’t looked back ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. I know exactly how you feel, our stories are very similar. I was bullied a lot as a young child primarily by people I thought were my friends. I was naive and weak. I lost the ability to trust people the same way after that, my self concept was destroyed, and I was haunted. Then positivity began trickling into my life, little by little, and I snatched onto it and held as strongly as I could. Nowadays, positivity is what I live by. I don’t have any regrets about it, I’m just happy to be where I am.

  9. Don’t let negative people, or people that’s unsure of themselves, steal your joy. It seems to me that you are a person that love to help others. Keep on doing it because it gives you joy. If others don’t know how to handle it, it is their problem, but you, keep on doing good things. Yes, there are many selfish people jn the world who don’t care to hurt others, but there are also lots of good people. Stay the good person, who you already are, and over time you will attract other good people as well. And remember, eben good friends aren’t always there for life. Sometimes you are friens for a time and then, perhaps, you float apart. That’s life.
    My gift to you: Please get yourself ‘Unashamed’, by Christine Caine.

  10. Hey Girl !
    People are very hard to trust nowadays..and that’s pretty sad. People don’t understand how much words can hurt. It can build or break somebody completely. You’re desiscion of put them out your life is a good one. After all we want Quality people in our lives. We don’t need to accept less!
    I rather has nobody then a brunch of fake Friends!
    Girl I understand you completely๐Ÿ’ฏ

    The best friendschip that you can get is from you’re Twin sister because she is real with you and truly Loves you unconditionally and will never ever hurt you!

    Hugz, Miss B. ๐Ÿ’‹

  11. The good news is that you have let go, and move on without those haters, going higher should be your priority, don’t let what people do or say about you weigh you down, move on without them, I will see you on top…..

  12. It sounds like ppl will always make fun of us for anything — whatever we are not or dont have. You are thin & top of your class & have money — seems like ppl were jealous! It sucks that even after all this time they’re still so childish. Glad you don’t let it hurt too deep :)) that is hard to do

  13. Good For You…I have had the same experience…You have inspired me to hold my head high with confidence…and not letting the hateful judgements which are filled with tons of lies about me hurt me in anyway…just that someone would do this to another person shows they do not deserve my respect….and because I have no respect for them…the insults and lies they say about me should not affect me in anyway…Thank You…I have grown spiritually from your Blog

  14. Only insecure people tries to put others down to feel secure. I can feel your pain and it is sad. Thank God you are stronger than them. I like your resilient spirit.

  15. i would like to tell you that you are a beautiful person inside and out.

    i guess every person has experienced difficult, insecure, insensitive people = bullies. i for one, when I was younger had a taste of these sour experiences and like you, it helped me be a strong person. being bullied (because it comes in many different forms) was also experienced by both of my kids despite being intelligent (it can’t be a deterrent for bullies). those incidences made them stronger and they strived hard to reach their dreams.

    just recently, my son encountered his demons again (that is what they call them) on FB. those individuals had ignited that long resentment he felt for them and he was ranting that day and I just allowed him, too. It’s okay to feel anger but it’s not okay to make it a driving force in life. After realizing what transpired, my son was back to his old jolly self again.

  16. First off, I also graduated in 2014! AYE! And second, you described exactly how post graduation was for me too! I was in the same academic position and endured the same type of comments. I feel you! Even the comments of how you thought you guys would be friends forever but you were fooled is so on point!

  17. There are times when such things happen and many might have faced but the best way is to stand by and for your own self and your decisions. I believe you should be the way you are, of course learning from every experience. Be you and at the same time be strong and act when such things happen.

  18. I just want to give you a big hug after reading this and let you know that the farther you get from this particular situation, the less it will sting. Go out and make real friends and continue to be your kind and generous self, though with discernment. People will still be people and there are some, even in middle age, as I am currently, that you will need to love and release, but it’s always worth it to love them even if they are idiots.

  19. Just to clarify what I mean by “love and release”…Love them, but don’t allow them to continue to abuse you. Care about them as human beings, but refuse to allow their negativity and their abuse to continue to affect you. I didn’t want you to think I mean that you should continue to foster a relationship with someone who is in any way detrimental to your well being! Your action of cutting off communication but wishing them well is a perfect example of this.

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